#2 Joe Bender
Nickname: JB, Bender, JoeBen, Joey
Dating Status: Wifed Up
A: Lately I’m a big fan of Chamomile tea, so the genus Camellia of the Theaceae family of flowering plants would be my favorite strain.
Q: What is your favorite band?
A: Radiohead. Just been listening to them forever, and they’re really good.
Q: Who is your favorite man?
A: There was only one man…and his name was Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was the commander-in-chief of the US armed forces during the largest, bloodiest conflict in human history. The dude was paralyzed from the waist down for the last 24 years of his life. He was the only president to serve more than two terms…he served four, ended only by his death. Never again will we see a president at a post-war peace conference, slouched in an armchair, smoking a cigarette, smiling, while bullshitting with Joseph Stalin and Winston Churchill.
Q: What is your master plan?
A: Step one, get money. Step two, move to California. Step three, win life.
Q: How do you like Eminem’s song, “Stan”?
A: What the heck did I just listen to?!
Q: What is the longest you’ve ever ran?
A: Never ran in a race or anything, but I did 7 miles through the Schenley trails once.
Q: What do you think of Jersey Dan?
A: I’ve been with the dirty dirty since the very beginning of my journey here at Pitt. He has seen my ups and downs just as much as I’ve seen his. All I can say is, Jersey Dan is a man who knows what he wants. He’s not afraid to enjoy a casual Black & Mild after a long night’s work at CVS, or crank out seventy-four pushups in a row. He’s always willing to go out on a limb and make a night happen. Where there is risk, he reaps reward. If you make the trek to Lawn Street, you are sure to have a good time and be welcomed by a brother.
Q: Do you prefer the Dodge Charger or a rented van?
A: Come on, man. This is like choosing between chocolate and bran. Might as well ask me if I’d rather be pale or tan! Know what I’m sayin? I would’ve turned down sailing up the coast on a catamaran, drinking a cosmopolitan, with Christopher Walken. The Charger is a Barbie, and the van’s a Raggedy Ann. It’s like comparing a chandelier to a ceiling fan! The only way I wouldn’t go Charger is if I was Peter Pan, and could just fly from here to Kazakhstan. No offense, but this question belongs in a garbage can.